the lady baby's first birthday party was yesterday and it was magical. that is, if magical is defined as a beautiful day, pretty decorations, paper butterflies and a promise to always pay a party planner from here on out. magical, it was!!! i haven't gotten around to download any pictures just yet but i figured that it was about time i made myself sit down and try and recall the events that led up to this beautiful baby girl being in my arms on this day exactly one year ago today.
i still had a good four weeks left. i had been nesting for... forever. and i was pretty much been over this pregnancy since it started, the hardest one yet. the sick and sore days far out weighed the good ones and i spent several nights dreaming vividly of her sweet little face to keep from freaking out about all of the pain and discomfort i was in. i don't know if it was really as bad as i remember it to be but i know the better days were far and few between.
her pregnancy was beyond a surprise. i was on my third week of insanity when i had become unable to keep my eyes lifted for longer than thirty minutes or so. it was bad. so bad that i would gather snacks in a big bowl for the boys to grab from throughout the day and be in the exact same spot on the couch when BDH came home as when he left for the day. bad.
i started having very faint contractions in the early evening. i knew what they were but i was forcing myself to believe that they weren't what i thought they were. it was too early. as badly as i wanted her out and in my arms i still wanted her to keep baking for the four more weeks that we needed her to.
it had been raining pretty heavily for the last few weeks or so. one storm after the next it was weird. i started timing the contractions and they were very irregular and still very very faint.
that night before going to bed i prayed. "Lord if this is the real thing, lets get this rolling and if not please let these pains subside." i slept well and the next morning i woke up and the contractions were coming. with each pregnancy my prayer had always been for me to enjoy it. for the labor to go even smoother than the last and a quick and easy recovery. i called the doctor and the doctor told me to come on in.
i showered, put on make up and packed the boys in the car to drop them off at the hospital with the grandparents. excited.
when we arrived they took us back and hooked me up to monitor the contractions. of course they had drastically slowed down by then, i was only about a couple cm dilated and it looked like i was about to be sent home. as i was getting dressed i knew this wasn't right. i let the nurse know that she was coming today and although the look in her eyes said "no, ma'am", she said, "well if you'd like you can go on a two hour walk and see if that gets anything moving.
I said, yup! BDH went to pick up food and I set off walking.
the next two hours were beautiful!!! i really don't know how else to describe it.
BDH got stuck out in the rain, the water flooded a lot of the roads and he was having trouble getting back any time soon. so it was just me and my Lord.
i prayed, i confessed the same couple of paragraphs I had taken a quick screenshot of from the book "supernatural childbirth" and i power walked through each contraction. constantly reminding myself of the job that my body was given to do. i really do love labor.
as the rain came down, i could feel the pressure in the atmosphere moving my baby girl into position. it was so weird and so beautiful all at the same time. i prayed, i randomly called my mommy and my bestie, i sang.... ahhhhh that those moments were heaven for me. and the only thing that was missing was my husband. i wish he was there. i wanted him to be impressed with how i was handling it. i wanted him to see and be proud of what i was doing. but i now think that that was exactly the reason he wasn't there. it wasn't about me. the glory wasn't mine to have at all.
i felt the closest to God in those moments. looking back, i now think it was the amount of focus that i had on him and the matter at hand. i wasn't thinking about bills, about what to cook for dinner, about cleaning my bedroom or doing laundry. i was focused on HIM. and trusting that he would guide me through this process.
the pain really wasn't that bad at all. and as the contractions mounted, it was soooo helpful to walk my way through them. i kept confessing. i kept praying.
i am a believer in the idea that God meets you were your faith is. the confession that i had copied noted all of the plans that i had for her labor and delivery. that my organs would move into their correct positions, that i would require no assistance moving the baby out etc. however, there was a part of the confession that i left out. a part that said that my water would break when the time had come to let me know that she was ready. when i got to that part of the confession i just skipped right over it. my water had never broken with my two previous labors and it was hard for me to believe that it would happen this time around. as i walked and confessed and prayed, i heard a small stillness in my spirit ask me why. and then that same voice instructing me to add that part back to my confession. i was then reminded of a message i heard from kenneth hagin and hearing him say, "faith will work in your heart, even when there is doubt in your head".
the two hour mark was over. i stopped by the bathroom really quickly and snapped this pic below. BDH had arrived. and they took me back to an exam room to check out an progress. we got back to the room and as soon as we shut the door behind us. MY WATER BROKE!!!!!!!
from then on, things went very quickly. pains were easy, nerves were high whenever i lost sight of my focus, family arrived, laughs and giggles filled the room (and sounds of hospital intercoms and heart monitors etc.) one epidural (because i like them) , a few hours and two pushes later.... we had a beautiful BABY GIRL!!!
^^^ savannah demi ^^^
6 lbs 8 oz
^^^ the day we brought our lady home. ^^^
its been a joy ever since... i am surprised at how much i am able to recall a year later. i'm also kind of sad that i don't remember all of the details or specific timeframes but i am so glad that i took the time to sit down and write out what counts. i can now say that i have fully documented all of my babies birth stories and i am happy about it.
from syreena, with love